Marry, Shag or Cliff

[teddy_radiator]

In a brazen effort to subvert my insistent Muse and skive off finishing the latest chapter of my fic, I asked droxy to provide me with three characters in the 'Marry, Shag or Cliff'. With great astuteness for someone who doesn't know my background that well, our beloved DE chose the following:

Mad Eye Moody
Count Dracula
Capt. Hook

Now this is a great trio, and one that I have to give a little thought to giving it the justice it deserves
:

Mad Eye Moody

He's ugly as homemade sin and so paranoid he'd have me as jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I can't find anything that strikes me as remotely attractive, and I'd be too busy wondering just what that eye was looking at most of the time. I'm afraid it's off the cliff with you, sir.

Captain Hook:

 

 

Captain Hook
 

Well, now. This is a bit of a dilemma. I am, of course, terribly fond of Mr. Isaacs, but the idea of cuddling up to him on a daily basis is a little daunting. I am paranoid about a man having better looking, longer hair than me. Being the pervert I am, the hook has possibilities, but he's just too fixated on those boys for my taste. I'd be all snuggled up in the Captain's quarters, getting all pissed off about him brooding on how to capture Peter Pan and think, "He's wanting that boy too much - and not in any good way." Nope. I'm not competing with a perpetual boy. That just sounds too much like slash for me, and we all know how much I love slash. I'll shag him, though. Oh, yeah, I'd do him in a heartbeat. Loads of lovely, long hair to grab hold of.

Count Dracula
 

Count Dracula (My favourite version, starring Louis Jourdan)
 

This is a selection so near and dear to my heart, I often wonder if I was a vampire in another life, or at least, a maiden who read saucy novels in Victorian England, all repression and dark wonders. The Count and I go waaaaaay back, to when I was an impressionable girl of twelve. I've had a thing for the Count almost since I could, well, count. And there's the immortality factor that has a certain appeal, especially if I could spend it in the arms of a dark, brooding, sexy man with dark hair and dark, hypnotic eyes (sounds a little familiar, doesn't it?). Besides, sunlight is sooo overrated, especially in the South where you can get skin cancer humming "Here Comes The Sun" under your breath. So yes, I would marry my dear Count, and spend untold hours feasting on the blood of virgins and shagging, vampire style. Hey, it's an evening.

Comments

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Nah, about the least I can do is about 1000 to 1500 words -

Wait a minute - is this a challenge? It is, isn't it? SeverusMuse put you up to this, didn't he?

I would LOVE for you to illustrate it. I'm going to write one. See if I don't! ;)