Marry, Shag or Cliff

[teddy_radiator]

In a brazen effort to subvert my insistent Muse and skive off finishing the latest chapter of my fic, I asked droxy to provide me with three characters in the 'Marry, Shag or Cliff'. With great astuteness for someone who doesn't know my background that well, our beloved DE chose the following:

Mad Eye Moody
Count Dracula
Capt. Hook

Now this is a great trio, and one that I have to give a little thought to giving it the justice it deserves
:

Mad Eye Moody

He's ugly as homemade sin and so paranoid he'd have me as jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I can't find anything that strikes me as remotely attractive, and I'd be too busy wondering just what that eye was looking at most of the time. I'm afraid it's off the cliff with you, sir.

Captain Hook:

 

 

Captain Hook
 

Well, now. This is a bit of a dilemma. I am, of course, terribly fond of Mr. Isaacs, but the idea of cuddling up to him on a daily basis is a little daunting. I am paranoid about a man having better looking, longer hair than me. Being the pervert I am, the hook has possibilities, but he's just too fixated on those boys for my taste. I'd be all snuggled up in the Captain's quarters, getting all pissed off about him brooding on how to capture Peter Pan and think, "He's wanting that boy too much - and not in any good way." Nope. I'm not competing with a perpetual boy. That just sounds too much like slash for me, and we all know how much I love slash. I'll shag him, though. Oh, yeah, I'd do him in a heartbeat. Loads of lovely, long hair to grab hold of.

Count Dracula
 

Count Dracula (My favourite version, starring Louis Jourdan)
 

This is a selection so near and dear to my heart, I often wonder if I was a vampire in another life, or at least, a maiden who read saucy novels in Victorian England, all repression and dark wonders. The Count and I go waaaaaay back, to when I was an impressionable girl of twelve. I've had a thing for the Count almost since I could, well, count. And there's the immortality factor that has a certain appeal, especially if I could spend it in the arms of a dark, brooding, sexy man with dark hair and dark, hypnotic eyes (sounds a little familiar, doesn't it?). Besides, sunlight is sooo overrated, especially in the South where you can get skin cancer humming "Here Comes The Sun" under your breath. So yes, I would marry my dear Count, and spend untold hours feasting on the blood of virgins and shagging, vampire style. Hey, it's an evening.

Comments

[justpinkpastel.livejournal.com]

hahahahahahha!!!! I love your reasoning for all of these. I particularly agree that Cpt. Hook has an unhealthy obsession with little boys, but does have some great hair to grab ahold of while doing the dirty.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

All the better to guide you with, my dear...

[droxy.livejournal.com]

LOL! Well done. Although that pic of Issacs!Hook is very tempting.

I fell in love with count dracula too. It's why I love Vampire!Snape.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Do you now? Hmmm....I have been thinking of a quickie little vampire fic with Snape and Hermione.... the Muse'll want to shoot me, because I'm supposed to be writing Chapter 20 of LML, but this is soooo tempting, and I can resist anything but temptation... Oooohh, I wonder if we could get Mimi or Sempra to illustrate it?

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

Is there REALLY any such thing as a "quickie" with YOU, woman? LOL! I'd be willing to offer my humble services to draw something.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Nah, about the least I can do is about 1000 to 1500 words -

Wait a minute - is this a challenge? It is, isn't it? SeverusMuse put you up to this, didn't he?

I would LOVE for you to illustrate it. I'm going to write one. See if I don't! ;)

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Do a drabble series. Seriously. The muse is procrastinating for a reason. So let it play. Because once it starts feeling like a chore it's no fun.

What 3 would you give me?

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Oooh, well, let's see...

Regulus Black
Pilot Major John Blackthorn
Sherlock Holmes

[droxy.livejournal.com]

done

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

Given those three choices, I would have made the same ones. I've never seen the Louis Jourdan Dracula. My preference is for the Gary Oldman version.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

The Louis Jourdan version was a mini series made in the late 70's for the BBC. While it is rather dated looking, I think Jourdan is the best Dracula. He's so cool, and is an incredibly sexy predator. What I love about it is that he is completely unrepentant. When he takes a woman, he enjoys her so much! I was only about 15 when I saw it originally, and it was the first time I realised just how sexy being a vampire's victim could be. And the scene in which he entices Mina to drink his blood is, well, one of the most erotic versions I've ever seen. Especially for 1977! He made her love it.

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

Good choices... vampires and I go way back as well, though my muse is Lestat more than any other, fits I guess...

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

The Louis Jourdan version is hard to find. I got it on DVD in England, and I love it to this day, dated special effects and all. I think he was the first to understand how to make the character chillingly sexy. He was soooooo coool...

[alabastard.livejournal.com]

I've seen it once, very well done...

[juniperus.livejournal.com]

Oh hell, why not -- hit me!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

OK!! I've decided to makes yours decidedly Rickmansworth. Here goes:

The Interrogator (Closetland)
Judge Turpin (Sweeney Todd)
Hans Gruber (Die Hard)

[laurielover1912.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen the Louis Jourdan version - I really need to after you've said all this!

As for Hook - he isn't obsessed with boys, he's obsessed with the relentless march of time and the fear of being alone. Once he had a good woman with whom to share his life, he'd be putty in your hands ... oh yes. Marry, shag, whatever ... I'd just do him non-stop.

[shiv5468.livejournal.com]

Mmm, I think I'd marry Hook instead, for the delicoiusly perverse things he could do with the hook.

And then put a blond wig on him from time to time...

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

There is something to be said for a good, steady diet of perversity, I'll grant you. It was a tough decision, obviously... Hook, vampire sex; hook, vampire sex...

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

I like Louis Jourdain, too. I think I saw that series and then read the book - at about twelve, like you. Makes a bit of an impact, the Count, doesn't he?

OK give me three.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Indeed he does, dicky!!

OK, three for you:

Rocky Balboa
Ricky Ricardo
Archie Bunker


I know - I'm eveeel!

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

Er... three I've actually heard of, please.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Dicky, sorry, love - got all American on you!

Just to clarify: Rocky was the Sylvester Stallone character of the same series of films; Ricky Ricardo was Lucy's husband in the I Love Lucy series, and Archie Bunker was the 'Alf Garnet' character in our version of Til Death Us Do Part'.

Let me try again:

The Sheriff of Nottingham (Prince of Thieves version)
Henry Higgins
Del Boy (Only Fools and Horses)

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

I knew about Rocky, though I've never seen the film, but the other two left me clueless. Thank you for the new selection.