Teddy Radiator

More on this story coming up...

I still cannot believe the outpouring of generosity I have been given through this appeal. If you contributed, a million thank yous would never be enough to express how truly grateful I am. I know many of you shared it with others on Facebook pages and other social media, and the fandom just gave and gave. Often their gift was accompanied my the most heartfelt and moving messages of encouragement and love.

When I became a part of the fandom over ten years ago, I would never have believed the journey I would take, and the profound and positive impact it would make on my life. It will always be the best part of me. The hope I received, the belief, the care, the love. I am so uplifted.

A year ago, I was ready to give up. I could see no future, and I was drowning in so much grief I couldn't even face you all. I felt like a failure and a fraud. I honestly could not see a way forward that had any relevance to my life.

You helped me in so many ways. Whatever happens, you have helped me find the tools to do what I can to achieve my goals, and to learn to work with what I have and cannot change. My head is a little clearer now, and I truly have you all to thank for it.

I love each and every one of you. You are my tribe.

Thank you for all the well wishes for my job interview. I've just been told I have a 2nd interview on Thursday, in which I have to teach a lesson. No idea what, but I'm suppose to get the training module today. I'm bricking it. Gather you vibe sisters and get them chanting good juju for Thursday!

I hope you're having a wonderful birthday! 💕💕💕

This time from our mayor.. That strange slab is actually the wellspring. The water is so clear the leaf seems to be floating in mid air.

I am reaching the end of the second week of the volunteer work I so foolishly volunteered for.

Imagine to my horror, when my boss told me at the beginning of this week, that I had been singled out yet again to remain on this job, minus my two other fellow volunteers for an additional week. I am rather horrified to admit that I pitched what might be called a fucking hissy fit.

In all honesty, I didn't pitch a hissy fit, but I did tell her in no uncertain terms to please choose someone else. Aside from the fact that last year during the rush, I was singled out to return early from my management position back to the phones, I am doing this crappy job with the same two people from that time to this one, and I truly felt singled out again and felt it was unfair.

I think I must have made my absolute horror and frustration known, because shortly after, I was told I would not need to remain, but another one would remain in my place. While I was not exactly thrilled with throwing one of my colleagues under the bus, I am kind of proud of myself for standing up and telling them that a) it was an incredibly valueless job with a group of people who were so distant they had not even thanked us for helping, and b) so mind numbingly boring that I was losing the will to live with every passing hour.

It has been the slowest two weeks of my life. We three are absolutely falling apart with boredom and the futility of this pointless job. I'm done tomorrow, and on Monday I start back with the job that I love that gives me job satisfaction, support, encouragement, and above all the will to live. Other than that, I've just been counting minutes to get through these week. The next time someone asks me to volunteer for something, please remind me of this dreadful two weeks!

I've been back on Facebook for about 3 weeks now, give or take, and I am somewhat surprised to realize how boring it is there. I don't know exactly what I was expecting to find upon my return, but it's just so full of ads and repetitive junk I am wondering what the fuss was all about. It was nice to be welcomed back by so many people and it's lovely to see my friends there, but I am steering clear of a lot of the political shit that caused me to leave in the first place, not to mention the obvious crap with Trev.

And I also have been avoiding friending mutual friends just because I don't want to really see him there. I am going to hang around a bit, and see if it's worth it, and then make a decision to stay or leave again. I'm in a rather fickle frame of mind about Facebook at the moment.

Finally, I've had a better week inside my head. I have been working on positive thinking, looking forward instead of looking back, which only served to fill my head with regret and pain. Instead, I've been sending out to the universe what I need and trying to find a way to achieve it. I think I am at the beginning of true healing, but I know that won't really start until he is finally gone for good. That will be a strange day for me, and I don't know exactly how I'm going to deal with it, but I know that I AM going to deal with it.

Of course, there are still times when I am afraid and sad, and I worry about dealing with the loneliness. But there are also times when I sense my days as peaceful and full of opportunities, and it's in those moments that I really do glimpse what a good future I can make of this.