Some Dark Thoughts

[teddy_radiator]

It's a very balmy 65+ degrees here in the South today. Not to rub anyone's nose in it. Far be it. I'm sitting here thinking some brooding thoughts.


I find that I have two basic ways of writing. One is to wake up early and allow the Muse to crawl in bed behind me and talk dirty into my ear while I'm slowly waking. Obviously, that is my preferred method. It's a lot of fun, and I get a lot of my 'lemony' chapters that way. I also get some great plot points to slide into place (steady).

The other way is to sort of work myself up into an angsty, brooding lather, by watching flicks like the one here. I'm sure y'all have seen it loads of times, but I just found it and it is the kind of thing that works perfectly for me. Real life grief doesn't work. When I'm actually depressed or upset, I can't write my own name. But when I look at something like this, and I allow the idea of pain, and sorrow, and the twisting, gnawing grief of the inevitable slash at my gut, I am capable of writing some fairly good stuff.

It is the thought of hopeless despair, and sacrifice, and fear, and certain knowledge of loss. Once those are in my head, and I'm near tears, I can write. It's kind of hard to write like this. At the risk of sounding like a pretentious twat, I really do turn myself inside out when I'm like this. I cry, I feel the pain my characters feel, I hurt. I know I sound so up myself, but that's how it happens for me.

I almost wrote something flippant about suffering for my art and loving every minute of it, but that so cheapens what I feel. Are my feelings any less real for manufacturing them for the sake of a character? Is that what writing is about? Sorry to be so melodramatic, but I'm feeling it bad here.

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Comments

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

I find the best time to write is shortly after waking up -- either in the morning or from a nap. I think it's because I'm more relaxed then, and my brain waves are in the right wavelength for doing creative things. If I'm stuck, I have only to get involved in something monotonous, like housework, cooking, or working out, and an idea will pop into my head. Again, I think it has to do with wavelengths.

Movies don't influence me very much, but books do -- not so much about plot, but more with the way I phrase things and the personalities of the characters I'm writing. Odd thing about books and movies: I tend to get more upset and grief-stricken about things that happen to fictional characters than I do with actual people. Maybe it's just the story telling; newspaper reports aren't exactly written in a fashion designed to tug at the heartstrings. Or maybe it's a character flaw on my part. Or perhaps it's because when I read or watch a good movie, I become totally absorbed by it -- I can picture the place, the people, all the little details so clearly in my mind. For that particular period of time, THAT is the "real world" for me. Most of the time, when I finish a book I've loved, or when a series that I've watched and loved comes to an end, I'll have a good cry, even if it had a happy ending. That world is finished for me, and the people in that world are dead.

Anyway... I'm rambling. Have a good evening, love. I'm envying your weather!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. When I wrote Her Minder, I was so absorbed in the characters that I couldn't end the book. I mean, it was written, prologue and all, but I couldn't NOT have these characters in my life. It was the sole reason I started writing The Family. I just wanted them to keep living. In the end, I do write the end of their life 30+ years down the road, and I was typing and crying my eyes out, as if I was loosing friends. I still can hardly bear to read the Epilogue of The Family - in fact, it is actually the epi for Her Minder, and I couldn't 'kill them off' yet.