Some Dark Thoughts

[teddy_radiator]

It's a very balmy 65+ degrees here in the South today. Not to rub anyone's nose in it. Far be it. I'm sitting here thinking some brooding thoughts.


I find that I have two basic ways of writing. One is to wake up early and allow the Muse to crawl in bed behind me and talk dirty into my ear while I'm slowly waking. Obviously, that is my preferred method. It's a lot of fun, and I get a lot of my 'lemony' chapters that way. I also get some great plot points to slide into place (steady).

The other way is to sort of work myself up into an angsty, brooding lather, by watching flicks like the one here. I'm sure y'all have seen it loads of times, but I just found it and it is the kind of thing that works perfectly for me. Real life grief doesn't work. When I'm actually depressed or upset, I can't write my own name. But when I look at something like this, and I allow the idea of pain, and sorrow, and the twisting, gnawing grief of the inevitable slash at my gut, I am capable of writing some fairly good stuff.

It is the thought of hopeless despair, and sacrifice, and fear, and certain knowledge of loss. Once those are in my head, and I'm near tears, I can write. It's kind of hard to write like this. At the risk of sounding like a pretentious twat, I really do turn myself inside out when I'm like this. I cry, I feel the pain my characters feel, I hurt. I know I sound so up myself, but that's how it happens for me.

I almost wrote something flippant about suffering for my art and loving every minute of it, but that so cheapens what I feel. Are my feelings any less real for manufacturing them for the sake of a character? Is that what writing is about? Sorry to be so melodramatic, but I'm feeling it bad here.

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Comments

[savine-snape.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you on the writing front. I can either invite the muse in and concentrate on a scene at a time with a glass of vino in the evening. Or, like today, I can sit down and come up with a playlist of songs and then listen to it in the car tooand from work (and when I'm on call).

Totally loving Broken by Seether at the minute as there's a vid gone up this week on YouTube which sums up Come Back to Me to a point and since I'm buckling down and getting back to that story, after a years hiatus, it's perfectly timed. Also fallen in love with Fallen Angel by l'ame Immortelle high angst but perfect for Severus.

[majorjune.livejournal.com]

It's a very balmy 65+ degrees here in the South today. Not to rub anyone's nose in it.

Actually, we're at a point here in Connecticut that we're damned either way...we have so much snow, everyday brings new reports of roofs caving in (so far no human fatalities, but two race horses died when the barn they were in collapsed, and two days later a couple of cows died when the same thing happened to a dairy barn)...

Everyone is praying for Spring, or at least "The February Thaw", but if it warms up too quickly we'll end up with flooding, and if it rains instead of snows, the existing snow will just absorb it and cause more roof collapses. But another big snowstorm -- like what is predicted midweek in these parts -- will be just as bad.

The best thing for us at this point is a slight warming -- high 30s to 40s would do -- so that the existing snow can start to melt, and also that there be no more snowstorms.

I find that I have two basic ways of writing. One is to wake up early and allow the Muse to crawl in bed behind me and talk dirty into my ear while I'm slowly waking.

Maybe it's because I'm not a morning person, but I rarely get inspired upon awakening; my time is when I'm drifting off to sleep, I'll actually get flashes of images like a movie playing in my mind.

The other time the Muse creeps up on me is if I'm engaged in some boring task...it's like one portion of the brain is engaged with the repetitive task, leaving the more creative portion to soar where it will...

I also have gotten ideas driving, but since I'm now unemployed I don't have the daily commute I used to...

The other way is to sort of work myself up into an angsty, brooding lather, by watching flicks like the one here.

I actually hate that clip! LOL

I'm not sure if "angsty" works for me per se, and definitely watching movies does NOT do it for me.

But I do find writing therapeutic if I'm in a funk, and have used it as a form of psychotherapy ever since I first started writing back in junior high days! I think it's because I get broody and moody and then basically get into a zen meditation state where ideas just flood in...

But when I look at something like this, and I allow the idea of pain, and sorrow, and the twisting, gnawing grief of the inevitable slash at my gut, I am capable of writing some fairly good stuff.

Like I said, watching a movie doesn't do it for me. But I understand about the idea of pain and sorrow building up to the point that creativity bursts out. When I first started writing my own fan fiction I was driving home from work one night, thinking about the whole story arc (which covers decades)...

And I got this clear flash in my mind -- again, they were actual images like watching a movie -- of a section of the story that is going to happen well into the "future" (which is actually the past, but that's a whole other subject), and it's a really sad portion, it's actually tragic, and before I knew it I had tears streaming down my cheeks as I was driving, it was so sad....but good, in that I now have that portion of the story written in my head, but tragically good, if that makes sense?

[dozmuffinxc.livejournal.com]

Isn't this weather glorious? It's like spring! Too bad it won't stay. It's going to be 45 tomorrow XP

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

I find the best time to write is shortly after waking up -- either in the morning or from a nap. I think it's because I'm more relaxed then, and my brain waves are in the right wavelength for doing creative things. If I'm stuck, I have only to get involved in something monotonous, like housework, cooking, or working out, and an idea will pop into my head. Again, I think it has to do with wavelengths.

Movies don't influence me very much, but books do -- not so much about plot, but more with the way I phrase things and the personalities of the characters I'm writing. Odd thing about books and movies: I tend to get more upset and grief-stricken about things that happen to fictional characters than I do with actual people. Maybe it's just the story telling; newspaper reports aren't exactly written in a fashion designed to tug at the heartstrings. Or maybe it's a character flaw on my part. Or perhaps it's because when I read or watch a good movie, I become totally absorbed by it -- I can picture the place, the people, all the little details so clearly in my mind. For that particular period of time, THAT is the "real world" for me. Most of the time, when I finish a book I've loved, or when a series that I've watched and loved comes to an end, I'll have a good cry, even if it had a happy ending. That world is finished for me, and the people in that world are dead.

Anyway... I'm rambling. Have a good evening, love. I'm envying your weather!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean. When I wrote Her Minder, I was so absorbed in the characters that I couldn't end the book. I mean, it was written, prologue and all, but I couldn't NOT have these characters in my life. It was the sole reason I started writing The Family. I just wanted them to keep living. In the end, I do write the end of their life 30+ years down the road, and I was typing and crying my eyes out, as if I was loosing friends. I still can hardly bear to read the Epilogue of The Family - in fact, it is actually the epi for Her Minder, and I couldn't 'kill them off' yet.

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

You're not the only one who makes themselves cry writing.

I can't write when depressed. Oddly, I can write, and write well, when I'm angry.