Another Meme And Some General Stuff

[teddy_radiator]

On the surface, this looked easy peasy. When trying to put it down onto the page, it wasn't so. Story of my life lately; writing seems to be a forgotten talent.

Stolen from iulia_linnea - the 5 x 5 Meme. Ask me again tomorrow, and I'll give you 5 different answers for every question:

) 5 Favorite Movies

(a) Gone With The Wind
(b) Eye of The Needle
(c) The Incredibles
(d) Addams Family Values
(e) Cotton Club

2) 5 Favorite Television Shows

(a) Star Trek:TOS
(b) Game of Thrones
(c) Mission: Impossible
(d) The Sweeney
(e) Downton Abbey

3) 5 Favorite Characters

(a) Mr. Spock
(b) Jon Snow
(c) Jean Luc Picard
(d) Barnabas Collins
(e) Duncan MacLeod

4) 5 Favorite Stars

(a) Dave Grohl
(b) Christopher Lee
(c) Alan Rickman
(d) Leonard Nimoy
(e) Peter Graves

5) 5 Things that make you smile

(a) my Muse
(b) being inspired
(c) Lobster Thermador
(d) hearing my cat Sevvy squeak
(e) feeling loved

In other news, I got a really nice rejection letter today which basically said they were declining because they really wanted good stories and mine didn't make the cut, but do keep trying. So I will. Yeah, they tell you how the rejection letters will pour in, but no matter how many times you tell yourself JK Rowling got rejected 100 times before stardom called, I never quite know how to combat the steady erosion at my confidence. It's growing a bit dim. Even with that much-needed boost from MISTI, I can't shake the 'why bother' feeling. And that, dear friends, is just something I can't give into. It will finish me. I can't give up. I can't. I won't.

I suppose there are some of you out there who've read my stuff and are thinking to yourself, "Talk about delusional! This girl needs a dose of reality. She's never going to make it. She doesn't have what it takes in fandom - how on earth does a talentless hack like her think she can make it in the real world?"

Yeah, sometimes I think the same thing. I don't say that out loud because I'm afraid I'll hear it. And I don't think it often, but it's a voice that's growing in volume.

Comments

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

Ignore the voice. You're fab. You can do it.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie. That means alot.

[akatnamedeaster.livejournal.com]

All right, I'm not going to give you the usual spiel about "oh everyone gets rejection umpty-billion times" because you already know this and everyone and their brother's dog has already said this.

However, this:

I can't shake the 'why bother' feeling.

Now, I understand this, you've read this exact sentiment on my own journal umpty-billion times when my nose is out of joint about commenting or reccing or whatever. I know it's not in the same ballpark as rejection letters tied to rl material success, but it is wandering on the outskirts of the same city.

Right now, I'm remembering your responses to comments left on the fic you did for severus_fest or the squee you've expressed when nominated for something in fandom or when a particular rec that you've received really got across how much your story was enjoyed. Those moments of satisfaction and happiness on your part were genuine unless you've been putting us on all this time. They gave you pleasure, validated your work, and gave you the satisfaction of knowing you gave someone else a good/moving/surprising experience. These are legitimate. They may not be as "real" or enduring as seeing your work in print featuring characters and plots you've created full cloth, but they are legitimate.

I'm sad to see that this whole process is making your confidence and enthusiasm dim. No doubt, nasty responses, like the unprofessionally worded one you got today sting like hell. (what a cock-biter) I would feel the same and shit, I get bent when an art post gets fewer than three comments, never mind douchey rejection letters, I'm a total and complete hypocrite in that regard. But even so, I do sometimes put the brakes on it and remind myself that I've gotten comments where someone said something I was doing was helping them through a bad time, or that I made someone cry or laugh or hell, even just turned on. I imagine you've gotten the same. I know you've gotten the same.

I'm not trying to minimize the effect this is having on you. I know it's painful to put your heart into something, pin a lot of hopes on it, and find that no one you're trying to reach is getting it and that some even seen downright hostile about it. However, you should never wallow too long in "why bother?" (a little is okay, every moody artist type has to do that sometimes, it's part of our contract) because, as small as the successes I've listed are, they still mean you reached another person and in the end that's the point of all this, isn't it. Little victories. Remember them while you're waiting for the big score and whether it ever comes or not, don't ever give up trying to reach other people, whether the audience is 12 or 12 million.

Sorry for the preachifying. I'm running off at the fingers because I love you.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweet heart. You are absolutely right in everything you've said. I think my general malaise is probably about 90% hormonal, which doesn't help things, but may explain why I'm just allowing myself to wallow so much and feel so sorry for myself. It's like I just told Jules - I'm equally upset about the rejection letter and the series finale of Game of Thrones, so that probably tells you as much as you need to know about my state of mind.

To be honest, the support I have here from dear friends like you really are the only feedback I'm not afraid of - and the ones I trust, even when the reviews aren't as plentiful or as positive as I'd like.

[phoenix-fancies.livejournal.com]

This idea of talent(lessness) is terrible. Shit gets published all the time. But you want to do good work, and you do do good work, and you want to be a part of good works. Nothing about any of that is bad.
Be kind to yourself, and you'll have at least one person in your corner.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

That's a lovely way to look at it. Thank you.

[ex-logospil.livejournal.com]

What everyone said, most beloved! ♥

And trust me, I've felt that 'why bother' feeling many times... Hang in there ♥

And the voice... ah, goodness, yes. Don't pay too much attention to it [note to self: follow own advice]. And no matter what we do, we won't be able to please everybody, you know? Root for yourself :-)

*very tender robed embrace*

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you sweetie. I'm just being overly sensitive and full of self-pity at the moment. I know it will eventually pass. But I really appreciate all the encouragement.

[melodyssister]

I suppose there are some of you out there who've read my stuff and are thinking to yourself, "Talk about delusional! This girl needs a dose of reality. She's never going to make it. She doesn't have what it takes in fandom - how on earth does a talentless hack like her think she can make it in the real world?"

I don't know how anyone could read your stuff and think anything of the sort! I wish I could tell stories as well as you do ... I'm coming at this from the perspective of an academic, where getting articles rejected by the first couple of journals to which they are submitted is a way of life. If you are lucky, there will be a "review and resubmit", where you will be told exactly in what way your article is inadequate. If you are VERY lucky (i.e., it is not Professor Snape's evil twin reviewing you), there will be constructive suggestions how to improve it. The only way to succeed is to keep on submitting article, in my case - and in your case, literary manuscripts. You can do it!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I'm sorry for the neediness and craving for assurance, and I really appreciate it.

[delphipsmith]

Then again, there are some of us out there who've read your stuff and are thinking to ourselves, "Somebody rejected that? What are they, congenital idiots???"

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I suppose at this point I just need a little encouragement. I've propped myself up for a long time, and the props feel like they're leaning a bit. But I really appreciate that! ♥

[hbart.livejournal.com]

Your meme tells me you and I have nothing in common. :)

As for your book, stupid shit gets published all the time, so I feel confident that something of quality like yours will find its place. Plus, if there is adult content AND plot, you have to find just the right publisher, and that might take some time. It's normal to have moments of doubt, but just don't let yourself get into a continuous downward spiral. I believe in you!

And, if all else fails, you can bribe a publisher by telling them that you will get x amount of pre-orders they will publish, then we will all buy our copies in advance to seal the deal. Yeah, it probably doesn't work that way, but it was worth a try. :)

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I did talk to a published writer who said one of his strategies was to promise all this self-promotion (book signings, pre-orders, etc) and it went a long way toward getting his book published, so that might be the way to go. Hey, at least I could try it! ♥

[melusin-79.livejournal.com]

you're a very good writer teddy, don't doubt that.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Mel. Coming from you, it means a lot.

[shadowycat.livejournal.com]

Don't give up! I know that rejection is hard, particularly when the letters keep piling up, but all it'll take is one acceptance and if you give up too soon and give in to doubt, you'll miss it. And you wouldn't want that to happen. ;D You can do it! ~hugs~

And Yay for Barnabas Collins! I don't run into many Dark Shadows fans. :D

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That's a great way of looking at it, and one I will adopt.

I liked the old series, but I really fell hard for Ben Cross' incarnation of Barnabas in the 1991 revival series. It's a shame the network didn't give it a chance to grow, but I still like it nevertheless.

[bonsaibetz.livejournal.com]

Eye of the Needle? Don't know that one, that I can recall. And I consider myself a movie buff. I'll have to look that one up now.

And with the rejection letters, remember what Dory says, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Eye of the Needle is a movie based on the Ken Follett novel of the same name. It was made in 1980 or so and starred Donald Sutherland and Kate Nelligan, and I saw it so many times on HBO I had it memorised. I haven't seen it in quite awhile, but I loved everything about it, including the music.

[hikorichan.livejournal.com]

I remember reading Eye of the Needle at 13 or so. First book I ever read with sex and violence! Probably a bit young for it, really, but there you go. I've never seen the movie.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

I saw the film first, and loved it, then sought out the novel. It was a pretty good screen adaptation of the novel, I think. Donald Sutherland was excellent as Faber, and Kate Nelligan was just beautiful as Lucy. It was very sexy ;)

Long time no comment

[tally1302.livejournal.com]

Hey I know I haven't commented on aaages (likely literally years). I've actually completely stopped using LJ but something told me to check your LJ today and I found this post. Just wanted to say that I can't imagine a world where EL James can get published and you can't. Seriously, you are one of the BEST writers I have ever read including published ones. I still seek out your fic years after I first read it when I need to read something that makes me feel happy and I don't even really read fic at all anymore.

Seriously, you can't listen to that voice/hormones who say you aren't good. You ARE. If you haven't encountered a publisher or agent who wants your book yet, that's nothing to do with your talent or ability as a writer. It has to be something to do with stars being out of alignment or that your book needs to find the exact right home rather than just a home. That's the only thing it can be.

Still rooting for you all the way from South Africa. I'll try to check back more often so I can celebrate with you WHEN Her Minder gets picked up.

Re: Long time no comment

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Tally,

It's wonderful to hear from you! I hope it won't be the last time.

Thank you so much for your amazing encouragement. It means the world to me that you still enjoy my stories. I still have your drawings in my newly refurbished 'Steampunk Library', and think of you often. Thank you so much for listening to that voice that told you to check my LJ. When those things happen, it just reminds me over and over again that I have the best, most supportive friends in the world, and you are so very much appreciated.

I hope your absence from LJ means that real life is so rich and full of happiness and joy that you just dont' have time to spare, but I really do hope that we'll hear from you more often.

You have truly made my day, and given me a much needed shot in the arm. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ♥

Re: Long time no comment

[tally1302.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad!

Yes, absence from LJ has a lot to do with falling in love, getting engaged, moving to other side of the country, starting a new job and all of the changes of routine that come with that! I also work in social media so I'm afraid I'm one of the people guilty of being eaten by Facebook...

(BTW I saw you're having some trouble with FB. Give me a shout if I can help at all.)

I'll try check in more often :)

[spatulacity9.livejournal.com]

I know this is an older post, but I just had to take a break from lurking in the shadows to let you know that every time I come across a fic written by you, I rejoice, and read it right away -- because I trust anything of yours to be captivating and well written. Please don't let them get to you !

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your lovely words of encouragement! I really appreciate that so much. Nothing makes me happier than knowing someone enjoyed something I wrote. ♥