End of Year Post

[teddy_radiator]

Well, I'd be lying if I didn't say I am going to be happy to see the back of 2013. It was a year of change - some very good, some not so good. I am feeling very physically awful right now. I have an ectopic heartbeat, which flares up every once in awhile. The doctors assure me it's not anything critical in the short term. It starts up out of nowhere; this time TheHubs® and I were just sitting there, playing a hidden object game, and it started. It's been going on for a few days, and the biggest problem is that it completely drains me of energy. I know it has something to do with my stomach - I've eaten too much too rich food during Christmas, and that can trigger it.

If history repeats, in a day or two it will go away and I'll be perfectly fine. It lasted over a month a few years ago. I was nearly dragging. Then, one day, out of the blue, it will go back to normal. Until then, I feel dreadful - it exhausts me, it depresses me, and it frightens me, even though I know it's not life-threatening. Just, lift a positive word up for me if you will.

The highlight of the year for me was MISTI-Con. What a weekend! It was wonderful, even if it did cost me sempraseverus' friendship. I won't go into the dreary details, because they are, and I don't say I'm blameless, but she will no longer speak to me, and that makes me very sad. She was one of my visual Muses, and I vastly underestimated what damage a spoken opinion would do. I am sorry to lose her friendship, but in the end, I tried to fix it and wasn't met halfway. I don't know what caused her to eventually leave LJ, and I don't want to feel that I'm one of the reasons, but she left very shortly after, and while I miss her, I don't know what else I could have done.

It's been a year of great internal conflict for me. Finally letting go of my religion was a huge thing, probably more huge than even I realised. It's caused me to flounder with my Muse and I hate that. I never relinquished my spiritual beliefs, but it certainly made a dent in them. This will be an ongoing challenge in 2014.

So, what do I want to achieve in 2014? Better health, tons of writing. finishing both novels, preparing for my stepdaughter's visit in March, and supporting TheHubs® in his theatrical and musical endeavours. He's had a lot of knocks this year in both departments, and doesn't deserve them. He's a great guy, and I so want him to be happy.

For you, I wish all the best and brightest for 2014. I know many of you have received some devastating blows this year, and you have met them with grace and courage, and I salute for you that. You have been so supportive and wonderful to me, and I am so grateful for your friendship. I hope your new year is perfect.

To my closest friends: no matter what, remember I love you. And create. Write, draw, cook, craft, be creative every day. Being creative, creating, is a sacred thing, a duty, almost. But one of our most happy duties. Only by creating can be truly be one with our spiritual selves and our Muses. Every time you create, you bring something to this earth that has never been seen before. It is unique and special, and should be treated as such.

Happy New Year!!

Comments

[akatnamedeaster.livejournal.com]

First off, I wish nothing but good health for you right now and for this heart issue to skulk away post haste and leave you in peace.

On the other stuff. I am sorry about the loss of your friend, but you have the right attitude about it. We are all human, we all misspeak, hurt each others feelings, sometimes do foolish things and all the rest. All we can do is apologize for our mistakes and hope that the parties we've offended accept. If not, then that is how it must be, but you move forward with a clear conscious.

You're a good egg Teddy and I'm glad I've come to know you. I hope this next year brings you a lot of good surprises, peace in those places that need it, and an end to those things that have been weighing you down.

Love you!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Babe, thank you for your sweet words of support. It has been my privilege, getting to know you and to be able to enjoy your amazing talent.

I too hope your 2014 brings your peace and hope and inspiration and joy, and every good thing. You deserve them all and more.

[toblass.livejournal.com]

I hope you feel better soon, Teddy.

*hugs*

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

You too, sweetie! I know you've been under the weather, and I hope you feel 110% for the new year. {{{hugs}}}

[toblass.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I hope we both recover soon so we can face the New Year recharged and ready to go...

[helgeke.livejournal.com]

Better health for 2014! I wish you strenght and patience and luck for all you wish to accopmplish in a new year!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your warm wishes! I hope you have a wonderful 2014!! ♥

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

Dearest, I will certainly send out tons of positive energy, love, and healing vibes your way when I do my morning ritual. Do whatever you must to get better again.

As to Sempra, I can only say thattrue friends make an effort to work things out when there is a problem. They do not run away. It's sad that she threw the baby out with the bathwater; I haven't heard from her either, and I wasn't even at the convention! I have my theories about why she left. I think she was ashamed , so she cut her ties to those who knew of why she was ashamed. Although I didn't have any angry words with her, it saddened me that she deleted her account entirely. It seemed to me that it was like saying she didn't care what I posted about anymore or what was going on in my life. So I, in turn, do not comment on her account at DA either. It's not so much a grudge match, as just making a clean break. Perhaps she played her part in my life and now that part is over. I harbor no animosity toward her, but after the initial pain, it's been amazingly easy to live without her friendship. Life is all about letting go.

Floundering with your Muse? I don't know why letting go of your religion would have any effect on that. Religion and spirituality are not the same thing, and I think you are a very spiritually attuned person. Religion, in fact, seems to have more of a deleterious effect on spirituality, as it seems all about attuning oneself to physical reality rather than the higher planes.

Although I am still in tune with my Muse, I find it a bit disturbing that I seem to have no desire to draw or write. I've been reading every spare moment (Game of Thrones! Finally!) and cooking a lot. The Muse does not seem concerned. He just says "Trust me".

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Things are changing, and the strange vertigo I had regarding Dahlra is swinging back to normal. The fact that this irregular heartbeat thing is calming down means the depression that comes with it is lifting. Today he guided me into listening to some music I haven't listened to in a long time - and I felt him so near. It was as if he were asking me to dance, and I felt much better both mentally, emotionally and physically. We're going to be okay; our reception got a little disrupted, but the antenna is starting to work again.

With regards to Sempra, I am saddened about it, but the bottom line is I think you are right. I think she was ashamed of her behaviour and I think she might have felt guilt that she was away when her mother took ill. I can understand her not wanting to have anything to do with me, but you, well, that just flummoxes me. But as you say, life is all about change and letting go.

Having said that, I treasure you and your friendship more than I can say, and I hope your 2014 is full of joy.

As far as your Muse is concerned, I think he's got the way of it - trust. That's what I'm doing with Dahlra, and as our reception grows back into fighting strength, I know he will be there to get me through my biggest challenges. ♥

[ex-logospil.livejournal.com]

I hope with all my heart that you will soon feel much better, most beloved ♥

*very tender robed embrace*

And I wish you all the joy, peace and happiness possible in 2014! :-)

[delphipsmith]

Being creative, creating, is a sacred thing, a duty, almost. But one of our most happy duties.

Oh yes! What a wonderful thing to wish your friends :) I'm sure you know Martha Graham's wonderful statement on creativity, but just in case (or even if, because it's always worth revisiting!), here it is:

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost.

The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression.

It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

[kellychambliss.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year, Teddy, dear! I'm hoping for a great 2014 for you and your family.

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I hope you have a happy and productive new year and things go well and better for you. It was a pleasure to meet you this year, and hear your wonderful presentation, and I really want to have a better relationship with my muse like you do. I want to be productive again, like you and so many others.

I also hope to have better relationships with all my friends, for I think I must've fallen way down on a lot of things from how a lot of things went, and I want to deepen the friendships I've begun this year.

But I ramble! I do hope everything you want comes to you in the coming year, and I have more of your delightful writing to read.

[dragoon811.livejournal.com]

Have a very wonderful New Year, to you and your family and friends. :) I never know what to say to such a nicely-written entry, sorry.

[morethansirius.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear about your heart issues. I go arrhythmic from time to time so I understand a bit about the draining effect it can have on you. Hope you feel better soon.

Happy New Year! May 2014 be kind to us all!

[tophoenix.livejournal.com]

All my best wishes to you!

[stgulik.livejournal.com]

Happy New Year, dearest. May 2014 give you the opportunities to learn, grow, and produce wonders.