teddy_radiator | What's Known As... (Reply)

The morning after with a vengeance. Woke up feeling cranky and out of sorts, then realised that Bosco (Cat #2) had been out all night. He gets bolshy when he goes out at night and won't come back in. I woke up to thunder and torrential rain, and we called and called. Finally found him huddle under the front porch, and his back legs don't work. He has some arthritis, we think, and the combination of rain and cool temps have done a number on the little fella. He has not moved much, and went he does, he's very wobbly. We're going to monitor and see how he feels tomorrow. He's always been the delicate one.

On top of that, I just feel...ugly. I feel fat and hopeless and a talentless hack (which some of you might not disagree with) and basically crap. I know, friends, I know. I hit one of these every once in awhile. I'm not wallowing; I'm just treading water a bit. It feels positively hormonal; you know, wanting to cry for no real reason other than you don't really believe in yourself at the moment and wonder if you should just give it all up and find a proper job.

Well, that's me. Today. I probably won't feel that way tomorrow. I just feel overwhelmed and stupid and dowdy and none of those things are me, but the ego and the hormones are just getting their dig in. I'll be okay tomorrow.

It's just that, when it does hit, I wish I was home. And then I wonder if home is really there at all.