What's Known As...

[teddy_radiator]

The morning after with a vengeance. Woke up feeling cranky and out of sorts, then realised that Bosco (Cat #2) had been out all night. He gets bolshy when he goes out at night and won't come back in. I woke up to thunder and torrential rain, and we called and called. Finally found him huddle under the front porch, and his back legs don't work. He has some arthritis, we think, and the combination of rain and cool temps have done a number on the little fella. He has not moved much, and went he does, he's very wobbly. We're going to monitor and see how he feels tomorrow. He's always been the delicate one.

On top of that, I just feel...ugly. I feel fat and hopeless and a talentless hack (which some of you might not disagree with) and basically crap. I know, friends, I know. I hit one of these every once in awhile. I'm not wallowing; I'm just treading water a bit. It feels positively hormonal; you know, wanting to cry for no real reason other than you don't really believe in yourself at the moment and wonder if you should just give it all up and find a proper job.

Well, that's me. Today. I probably won't feel that way tomorrow. I just feel overwhelmed and stupid and dowdy and none of those things are me, but the ego and the hormones are just getting their dig in. I'll be okay tomorrow.

It's just that, when it does hit, I wish I was home.  And then I wonder if home is really there at all.

Comments

[kittylefish.livejournal.com]

first things first - *hugs* now, then - i cannot tell you the number of times i have thought, 'i want to go home,' only to realize to my dismay that i am actually in my domicile, lol, thus wondering wtf that even means. so i guess i'm glad i'm not the only one who feels that way sometimes, and maybe it will help you to know that, too. it's actually something we've worked on in my sessions with my energy worker - giving me the feeling that i am actually at home here on planet earth, lol. sometimes in life i have felt like such a fish out of water, like there was nowhere i belonged and no group of people who were really my 'family,' whatever that means. i think it's a natural part of the process of finding our way home to who we really truly are.

anyhow. i firmly believe in letting the feelings wash over you and through you, because then they will go away again until the next time, lol. i used to deny/repress/stuff, and that never works - they just come out sideways some other time. and you already know tomorrow is another day with its own set of feelings, hopefully some better ones. in the meantime, let me hold up a mirror for you to see the beautiful, talented, warm-hearted, genuine person that has earned you so many lj friends who love you. treat yourself the way you would treat any of your friends who was feeling the way you do right now, sweetie. *love and hugs*

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

*Nods* I frequently find myself saying "I want to go home"... when I am. In fact, the depression that recurs with me feels very much like homesickness. There is some- one/place/where that I miss. I think of our lives on earth as being away at school, and some of us can't wait until the summer holiday so we can go home again. Not that I would seek to leave school early. Then I would just have to repeat the grade....

[ex-logospil.livejournal.com]

*wipes your tears with robes and tenderly wraps you in them* ♥

[phoenix-fancies.livejournal.com]

as someone who was just googling style finders and glowering at the internet for calling me an apple, I know.

<3

[akatnamedeaster.livejournal.com]

Aww, bb, sorry it sounds like you've caught the funk. :( You know the things you're thinking aren't true but sometimes you just need to wallow a bit and milk it. It's all right, we'll be here regardless. *hugs*

Hope your fuzzy buddy is back to his old self again in the morning, sounds like he had quite the night out.

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, we all feel like that from time to time. When I feel at my lowest, it sometimes makes me feel better to pamper myself... to do things FOR ME instead of for anyone else. Everyone has their own idea of what pampering involves. Whatever yours is, go do it. I also have some short stories and articles on file that are guaranteed tear-jerkers, because sometimes it feels good to have a wild sobbing fit. It feels like a release, and I usually feel much better after a really good cry.

I won't comment on all the terrible and totally untrue things that your Ego is saying about you.

*Hugs tightly*

[delphipsmith]

Those sorts of days utterly stink, don't they? But hang in there -- if need be, we will loan you a bit of our faith in you to tide you over :)

[irishredlass.livejournal.com]

The day will pass and you know this so I will not dwell there. I am more concerned about your feline friend. I hope he recovers once he is warm, dry and rested. Please keep us posted.

{{hugs}} for you **scritches* for the kitties

[darklotus1211.livejournal.com]

Have you let yourself have a bloody good cry? 'Better out than in' is a catchphrase often reserved for what we consider the more base bodily functions, but seriously, whether an angry, self pitying or just plain old sad cry, having a good bawl can do wonders. I'm a big believer in giving yourself permission to feel angry, sorry for yourself or sad for a certain amount of time and letting it out. Then, after that, I give myself a shake, put on some dancing music, prance around like a noddy for a bit to get the endorphines and circulation going, and then get back to business. I also find I get ideas for solutions after a bit of this too.

Too many people value the stiff upper lip to the point of it being detrimental. There are times for it, of course - but life sometimes sucks and is unfair, and admitting it and letting yourself have a bit of a moan is not a capital crime and can be very therapeutic.

It doesn't always work, but it works often enough.

PS: Jangly anklets and/or bracelets help, too.

[stgulik.livejournal.com]

Sweetheart. You are an amazing and abundently competent writer. If this is about the re-write, well, remember what you told me: you're in the company of some of the greatest writers of the age, none of whom like the re-write phase. Also, nobody knows what your story should look like better than yourself. {{hugs}}

[hbart.livejournal.com]

The way you are feeling about yourself is totally untrue, and in a day or two, you'll likely be back to a place where you know this as well. So go ahead and cry, or scream, or hide under the covers, or whatever you need to do to get back to good. Because you will. Until then, accept this bucket full of hugs I'm heaving your way. Oh, and share those with your kitty, too.

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

I know this feeling and I really don't understand why it exists because it is always baseless. But it can really carve a hole in your self-esteem and productivity. I hope it passes soon.

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

And I hope your cat will be feeling better soon, after some TLC.

[beffeysue.livejournal.com]

I hope that your mood will have improved with the rising of this morning's sun.

I have days like that, too. But most of the time it's only for a short while. Getting out in the sun usually brings me a pick me up. I work in a building without windows and tend to have low Vit. D levels, so the sun is really an important part of my "do this" list.

*sending lots of hugs and sunshine*
Beffey

[duniazade.livejournal.com]

*just hugs*

I hope you're feeling better today (and poor Bosco too).

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Hugs. You are just being female. The back legs thing with kitty...if the cat still eats, drinks, and shits you are still OK. Singha in his last hours started having back leg failure and he couldn't walk anymore. Maybe it is time you restrict this cat to the indoors.

FWIW I feel old, tired, unproductive, slow, and all that. But there is no point in posting it. It could always be much worse.

[lemonade8.livejournal.com]

Hate when this happens, don't you?

[alabastardragon.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I often feel the way you do too.. is yours related to it being near your birthday?

I really hope you feel better today

[andyissadangel.livejournal.com]

We all feel like this, we all have days that we don't want to do anything, and nothing cheers us up.

Have a good cry. Sometimes I just watch a movie or read a sad book (Dave Pelzer has made me cry more than any other man). It helps. And chocolate, don't forget the chocolate!

Hope you feel beter, babe.

How's kitty? Hope he's okay.

[errandofmercy.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I am in the throes of one of those low-self-esteem episodes as well. It's probably hormones, just try to ride it out. You and I both know that that stuff isn't true!

And good luck to your kitty :)