teddy_radiator | Waving From The Bottom Of The Rabbit Hole

For a person who isn't doing too badly, you'd never know it from my behaviour.

Hello everyone. I hope you having forgotten who I am. I wouldn't blame you if you have, though, seeing as it's been ages since I've raised my head from the parapet and tried to at least wave the white flag.

I am at the point where I don't even have the energy to go into all the gory details of what's been going on. The Reader's Digest Condensed Version is that I've been swamped with work (not a bad thing), overrun with social events (again, not a bad thing), and getting ready for the most physically and mentally challenging holidays of the year (again, not a bad thing). The bad thing is that I ran out of time. Too much happening at once, combined with a hectic and capricious work schedule, paired with travel and party plans turned me into a hot mess.

By the weekend before Thanksgiving, I was done. I had truly run myself into the ground. Physically, I was wrecked - PVCs, swollen ankles, hurting all over, headaches, sore limbs, you name it. Mentally I was no better. I had set huge goals for myself and I was killing myself trying to meet said goals.

Then, last Tuesday, TheHubs™ and I set off to meet up with

hechicera and her family for Thanksgiving. It was a little stressful spending my first Thanksgiving away from my mother since returning from England, but she was very supportive. Turns out this trip was exactly what I needed in every sense of the word.

For those of you who don't know

hechicera, she is one of the heroes of the SSHG fandom. She is funny, kind, fascinating, generous, and so incredibly talented. Spending three days with her and her family, who are all so kind and laid back and mellow, was exactly what the doctor ordered. She is also the coolest person on the planet. I feel like I have a new lease on life.

What's more, we returned inspired in so many ways. We've spent more time outdoors enjoying fresh air (and our firepit), we've committed to other life-approving measures, and it feels like I've just returned from the best spa/retreat/motivational clinic in the world. I can't tell you what a joy it was to spend the holidays with this amazing lady and her family. It was life-changing in a very real, very positive, enjoyable sense.

I am taking a good long look at how I spend my leisure and working time, and changes will be made. I am also very motivated to do some serious writing next year, agent or no agent. I need to recapture my fire. I need to stop stressing myself into an early grave. I need to stop thinking I need to do it all and now and perfectly. I need to be able to step back, say no, say yes, be realistic about my shortcomings and accept my strengths. And I need to live more in the moment and less in the future. I need to do what I love to do, perform what I need to do, and screw the rest.

Next year should be interesting, to say the least. It will be more sitting around the firepit, staring into the flames, less self-flagellation for the things I don't get accomplished, and most likely less time online and more time getting things done.

Having said that, photos of Christmas will be forthcoming, as will photos of the finished SteamLib, and other things. In due time.