A Catch Up

[teddy_radiator]

I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I don't know why. Probably the hormone fairy again. I've had a major panic attack this week - over my own age. Jeez, you'd think I'd noticed it; after all, it hasn't snuck up on me while I was on holiday, or speeded up while I was sleeping. But suddenly, sitting on the sofa last Saturday, I realised just how old I am and I had a full blown, can't-breathe, oh-my-god-I'm-going-to-die-one-day panic attack.

Fortunately he was on hand to comfort me, and to remind me that yes, I have gotten older and yes, I am going to die one day but welcome to the human race. Eventually he calmed me down, but I felt like a right twit for panicking in the first place.

I have tried to console myself with writing, which is what I always do, but I'm over saturating myself, and consequently, nothing seems very good to me. And my judgment is slipping; what I thought was good, now doesn't seem so hot. With exchange coming up, I know I have to bring my A game, and I'm over-practicing. It is tough, being an overachiever with a self-esteem issue.

On the other hand, I've gotten a spic and span house now, the Hubs installed two of our shop lights in the house, so now I can actually see in the writing room (the little light fixture installed by the builders was the equivalent of Abe Lincoln's reading by candlelight) and am enthusing all over again how cool my wall art looks now that I can actually see it! I've gotten more pics up; I still need a frame for one or two more and I've got to go to Office Depot to get my perselus commission printed on 16X 20, but I'm dead pleased with this little nook we've created.

Looking back, I realise I've been an awful whiner here, and I'm sorry. I have so many things to be thankful for and so many people to be thankful for, just this week alone: droxy and mimimanderly for their awesome phone conversations this week,  justpinkpastel  for her caring, giving encouragement, sempraseverus for being on the mend, and pern_dragon  and condwiramurs  for the great online conversations. Thank you all for including me and making me a part of your lives.

Comments

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Oddly, I've come to terms with life and death. There really isnt anythign we can do about it, really. Just live each day with purpose, no matter how small. =)

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

That is a profound statement there, Drox. As I said below, I think sometimes I'm supposed to be doing something great instead of doing something well. If I can keep that as my goal, I won't be nearly as disappointed in myself. Thank you for that thought of the day. It helps enormously.

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

I agree with Woody Allen: "I'm not afraid of dying; I just don't want to be there when it happens."

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

I just want to look as good as you right now...can't do it, but can't help wishin'...

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

Aw, pish, Sweetie! Even I don't look like this!

[condwiramurs.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm glad you are in my life! And droxy is right: all we can do is just live each day purposefully. *hugs you*

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

That is a great way to look at it. I think sometimes I should be doing something GREAT; instead, I should just concentrate on doing something well.

Thank you, Condwiramurs, I am blessed by your friendship.

[reg-flint.livejournal.com]

My Hufflemum is getting multiple biopsies on Thursday and that provoked a minor sweaty, heart-pounding, scared crapless panic attack which I haven't had in years. So my best wishes go out to you that you never have another one. I'm an overachiever (read: ambitious Slytherin) with a self-critical eye too. Are we lost twins????

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

LOL, You never know! Please convey my greatest happy wishes and thoughts to your Hufflemum that all is well. My Mum goes for cataract surgery on Thursday. She's pretty cool so far, but we'll see how she feels on Thursday morning.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is that the 30's hit me like a ton of bricks and I did all sorts of stupid, mid-life-crisis-y things during my thirties. By the beginning of the 40's I'd calmed down a little. this was just one of those out of the blue moments. I don't have them often at all, thank goodness.

I have lots of love and support, and I'm just fine. I was just having one of those U2 things, you know: Stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it? That was me. Just babbling about it helps. And writing. I am hoping to do well on the exchange, if only because I know whoever has my prompts will be doing the same, and I want to be worthy of my recipient's anticipation!

[irishredlass.livejournal.com]

Age is but a state of mind if we think we are old then we are old. If we think we are young then we are young. What does our physical body know? Only what we tell it.

I am not so worried about being old it is the dying alone that is a sad thought.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

You know what, Irish? That is my greatest fear. Dying alone. Tell you what. At the end of our lives, we'll move close together and I can look in on you and you me. We'll keep each other company in our declining years.

[irishredlass.livejournal.com]

LOL Indeed I will be in TX by then to do the same with another DE come join the party.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

I will, cause my precious Muse encourages me so... he's also promised to be there, waiting on me, just like all the times before...

[justpinkpastel.livejournal.com]

Every time I think about how old I am, I have a little panic attack. Life is just flying by quicker than I could have imagined. I think I am more worried about looking old rather than actually being old, to tell the truth.

And I have to thank you for letting me be a part of your life! I feel so blessed that you have to know that you are there!

yessss

[mscoco62.livejournal.com]

you are human we all are gittn older and hopefully wiser keep up your writing its good for you!!