For kellychambliss - Thanks for the Inspiration

[teddy_radiator]

kellychambliss , has been submitting some lovely Severus/Minerva fic lately, along with some other Minerva pairings that are just superb. She also submitted a rec in second person, which of course made me mad to try it. Can you tell I'm desperately avoiding Chapter 20 of LayMeLow?

Anyhoo, although it's not my usual ship, it is one that I like to board now and again, because it feels like a kin-ship, or at least, at friend-ship to my own Flagship, SS/HG. This is a drabble series, and I hope she enjoys it. Of course, I hope you will, too.

 

Fiendfyre

Length: 8 X 100

Characters: Minerva/Severus

Disclaimer:  I own nothing but the tears I will cry in July.

 

It’s on nights like this you burn, remembering smoldering eyes and pale skin that glows silver in the dark. You burn, incandescent as Fiendfyre, recalling his liquid, silken voice and hands that played across your skin, cataloging every shiver, every whimper, every sigh you gave him. You remember his dour pleasure at making you cry out his name.
 

There is nothing left of him now but your memories, the long nights spent remembering the cold, dark hours before dawn, when he crept away, not wanting you to be associated with him now.

You sit up in bed and cry.

~~~~~

He hasn’t come to you in weeks, nor have you expected him. It doesn’t mean you don’t miss his prickly, urgent, fiery passion, feverish between sheets.

You figured it out long before you confronted him. He was mentally on his last legs, holding it together, keeping the Carrows and the Death Eaters at bay, while you urged your unruly House against vigilantism and revolt.

You knew it would come to this, and even as you almost dragged him into an empty classroom and started warding it like Gringotts, he knew you enough to know what you were going to say.

~~~~~

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you ask, knowing you sound desperate and fearful, and knowing he’ll shut you out, because he has to. He has to be the enemy now, even though you are no more his enemy than Hagrid.

He sighs. “What was I supposed to say, Min? Give me leg-up, Our Kid; I’ve just become the most hated man in our world and I need your shoulder to cry on?” He sneers, and you love him a little, even for that. “You know I couldn’t reveal what was going on. Albus – “

“Fuck Albus!” you cry. He laughs.

~~~~~

“I probably would’ve if I thought it might’ve gotten me out of this,” he says.

“I could have helped you,” you say, stubbornly. He laughs sadly, shaking his head.

“Oh, Min, you’re the worst liar there is. You’re an even worse actor. I couldn’t risk getting you involved. You’d tell the entire school.”

You huff, but you know he’s right. He’s always been right when you were concerned, even when he was wrong.

“That’s, right, old girl,” he says in that tone of voice; the one that makes you do things you’ve never done to another man. “You know it.”

~~~~~

You regard each other for a moment, trying to think of something comforting to say. Then he crushes you to his breast.

“When the time comes, forget me. Forget you loved me. Forget my bed,” he whispers, and his desperate, pleading tone almost spirals you down through the floor with pain.

“I can’t do that.” You cry, knowing you’ll have to. Slowly he pulls away, and you let go reluctantly, like a child unwilling to be parted from your dad.

“Thank you, Min,” he says. “Believe me, it helps.” He turns, and schools his expression. “You know what to do.”

~~~~~

You nod, knowing it will almost kill you. “Drop your wards, Lass,” he says, sounding like a loving, indulgent parent.

Then he's out of the room; a bird of prey thundering down the hall, leaving frightened children in his wake.  It is intentional. You will soothe them; they will remember this moment.

You scream after him, “I will NEVER forgive you for this, Severus Snape! NEVER!”

You watch him stride away, knowing his heart is breaking because you can hear the sound of it, crying in harmony with your own crumbling heart.

You look at the young people standing there.

 

~~~~~

“Well, what are you looking at?” you say, putting anger and helplessness in your voice. It isn’t that hard to manufacture. “Get back to your classes!” Nobody moves.


“GO!” you scream, ashamed of showing such weakness. Severus was right; you’re just not cut out for espionage.

You will see each other one last time before the end. He is weary, sick with the strain, and he stumbles into your arms one night, weeping and frightened. You comfort him as best you can, but he’s already fading away; he is almost gone even as he pulls himself over you like a blanket.

The battle is almost over, and you fight him like your life depends on it, which it does. Even as he swoops, diving with the grace of a dancer, you sense his heart isn’t in it. It’s already with that little ginger Muggle girl he fancied all those years ago; you know you’ve always only been a substitute.

But now, years later, as the fire crackles and the wind blows from the North, you burn, remembering that for a few brief moments, you held him, and you burned -  as brightly and beautifully, as incandescently as Fiendfyre in his hands.

Comments

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Ah, then I have given a little back to what you gave us with Trespass. You always think of a way to look at something that makes me wish I could see it that way!

[madeleone]

OMG! Teddy, I hate you (not really, I love you) but honestly, is there nothing you can't write? This was beautiful. Even though I am not a big fan of ss/mm, I still had to read it and it is gorgeous. I could picture it happening exactly like this.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, sweetie. I have to say, it kills me to write a fic like this. I sit at my pc and cry my silly eyes out - over my own stuff. How pathetic is THAT?

I'm glad you liked it. I am just trying to learn and grow as a writer, and this format is so useful in learning how to write in different persons, different genres, themes, etc. But, oh, how knowing he's gone makes me cry. That's why, in my little world, he lives to be a ripe old wizard!

[kellychambliss.livejournal.com]

Teddy! Thank you so much! This is a wonderful series, with exactly the tension and angst and sexual power that I associate with this pair. It's my favorite Snape pairing by far, for just the reasons you show here.

I think the second-person works very well. It's one of my favorite pov strategies, but it's difficult to do well, so that it seems necessary to the narrative and not just a gimmick. It fits the situation here -- it's so clear why Minerva needs to distance herself from the memories and moments, how she probably feels unconnected even to herself. That's just what second-person is for. (I've written a few second-person stories myself, two for Star Trek: Voyager and two for HP, so I know how difficult it can be).

You strike just the right tone here -- heartbreaking but not overly-sentimental. Tough and sad, just like the characters. Parts and lines I like:

--Section 1, that Severus "catalogues" her responses; of course he would. And his "dour pleasure" -- perfect.

--Section 2 -- It doesn’t mean you don’t miss his prickly, urgent, fiery passion, feverish between sheets.
Great description.

--Section 3 -- I love Minerva's self-awareness and her IC huffing and how well SS knows her. And of course, "fuck Albus." No wonder Snape laughs.

--Section 4 -- he says in that tone of voice; the one that makes you do things you’ve never done to another man. Oh, yes.

--Section 5 -- almost spirals you down through the floor with pain
Great image

And this excellent line: he is almost gone even as he pulls himself over you like a blanket.
Oh, ouch. Such a fine juxtaposition of comfort and pain.

Great ending, too.

Such a treat, and I can't thank you enough. *This* is why I love Severus/Minerva.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

I'm just SQUEEEEE-ing with happiness that you like it, Kelly! You have given me such an appreciation for this pairing, and it does feel good. I just wanted to write that desolation of reliving those last, awful days, and missing him because he was the man he was.

I could believe that Minerva sussed things out and confronted him, but they had to make it seem like an arguement. How heartbreaking it would have to be to say and do the things Severus was forced to do because of his guilt and need to atone. Sometimes I love him playful and snarky and sexy, but other times, when I write him like this, my heart bleeds for him and I cry even as I write. He is an unforgettable character to me.

I'm sorry to have crammed this down your throat by putting it on your comments, but I was very nervous and really wanted you to read in and (hopefully!) enjoy it. thank you for all your amazing comments. I always love it when someone not only tells me they like something I write, but Why.

[albalark.livejournal.com]

I came here from the comment you left on Kelly's journal page, and I am glad I did. This is an exceptional drabble series that left me gasping - beautifully done!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

I apologise for the shameless pimpage, but I had posted it late and figured it would get buried under everyone else's postings, and I wanted Kelly to make sure to have it. She's been such an encouragement and an inspiration for me to become a better writer.

[justpinkpastel.livejournal.com]

SS/MM is not a pairing that I usually make a point to read, but since I love your writing so much, I figured I would give it a shot.

I hate you for letting me read this! I don't get very emotional with stories, but you literally had my heart breaking and tears welling up in my eyes with this one. I can feel the pain in both of them as if I am the one in the story.

Ok, I don't really hate you, I absolutely love and adore you. I just hate the fact that you reminded me that I have tear ducts.

Beautifully written, as always.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

LOL, I had my own heart breaking a little! I know what it is to miss someone so much, to remember them with that sort of memory ;)

When I burn at night, I think of him, and know one day, I'll see him again. He reminds me of that all the time.

[ysilme]

I also came here by your comment in Kelly's journal, as I absolutely have to check out anything about my OTP ;o). Well done! Your series shows the both of them very realistic and vivid, it's like some missing scenes of the books.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

thank you so much! MM/SS isn't my flagship, but I've read some wonderful fic for it, and in the state of mind I'm in, I wanted to show something that MIGHT have happened during DH. It also used to kill me to know that all of the teachers had turned completely against him.

[alwaysimploding.livejournal.com]

Wow! This is really good! Strange thing; I read Kelly´s comment and she´s picked the same lines I favoured. Weird. But I echo her. Very well written, Teddy!

[talesofsnape.livejournal.com]

Poor Minerva.

[minervas-eule.livejournal.com]

A wonderful set of scenes and thoughts ♥ - I especially love the last two ones “Well, what are you looking at?” you say, putting anger and helplessness in your voice. It isn’t that hard to manufacture. “Get back to your classes!” Nobody moves..... I can hear it in my mind!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for reading - I thought I had already submitted this to the community, but it is my favourite SS/MM fic, although it's brief. It is terribly hard to miss someone that much.

[eeyore9990.livejournal.com]

This is gorgeously written.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I will confess this is the only fic I've written that made ME cry. ;)

[kellychambliss.livejournal.com]

Just as powerful a read now as the first time; you've captured the essence of their relationship.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much - this was, I think, the only fic I've ever written that I cried as I was writing it - I think the Muse really was piercing my heart with it, and it still makes me grieve for the character.

[therealsnape.livejournal.com]

What a brilliant series this is. Painful, wry, the very essence of Severus/Minerva. I loved it!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you so very much - this is one of those 'taking dictation' fics. I just typed what the Muse gave me, and it's one of the few fics I've written that made me cry!

[bylby.livejournal.com]

That was very touching and beautifully written!

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Thank you - it is heartbreaking to miss someone that much...