Perhaps My Feelings Should Be A Bit More Mixed Than This, But...

[teddy_radiator]

I just found out today that my ex-husband died last Sunday. I hadn't seen him in almost twenty years. When I first saw the obit, I thought to myself, "How do you feel about this?"

Let me state unequivocally that he was a lying, adulterous, manipulative bastard. He molested his own daughter, then manipulated the events to the point where his daughter's sanity was suspect. He was on our state's sex offenders list. He nearly drove me to suicide, which he would have felt was a sign of his prowess. At the time, being with him was like holding a crocodile by the neck. You knew catastrophe was imminent, but you couldn't let go. He kicked me out of his life and his home with my sanity and self-esteem in ruins. His parting blow to me had been, "I really feel sorry for you. No one will want you now."

He was a narcissist and a mentally abusive predator, and the most charming sociopath you will ever meet - but I'm so glad you won't, because the son of a bitch is dead.

What he did to me, and several other women, was an abomination. But to see his obit in the paper, you would think he had been a saint. I feel relieved; I feel some solid thing within that might hold a tinge of regret, but mostly I'm just irritated about the bitter knowledge of how he manipulated everyone even this one final time. Those of us who survived his petty villainy know what he was.

There is a part of me that is afraid you will think less of me to speak so ill of the dead, but all I can feel is malicious, grim joy that he isn't polluting the earth with any more of his lies - past those that make up his obit.

I don't know how he died, and I don't care. If it was painful, so be it. He caused his share of pain here on earth. I'm glad he's dead. So damn glad he's dead. If there is indeed a special hell, he is in it right now.

I think it says alot about him that when I called my God-fearing, Christian mother and told her the news, she merely said, "Well, good. He was the crummiest man I've ever met."

Comments

[dragoon811.livejournal.com]

I don't think any less of you. He sounds worse than my ex who is a great deal similar.

I'm sorry that his obit was less-than-honest, but I'm glad that someone who treated people so badly is no longer able to do so.

[keladry_lupin]

My feelings will be similar to what you're feeling now if I outlive my brother, so I don't think any less of you. In fact, I think more of you because you survived, pulled yourself out of the hellhole that living with your ex was, and from what I can tell, you seem to be doing well now.

<3

[droxy.livejournal.com]

Go have a celebratory drink.

I don't think less of you.

I will probably get vilified for saying this. A guy at work is friends with a prison psychiatrist (yes the medical doctor shrink). Based on some of his patients he says, "some folks just need killing." This is a guy who is an expert, who deal with the scum of society. Sometimes you can't rehab humans, they are incurable and violent. In this respect I am pro-death penalty. Unfortunately, there are other abominations taking up space that really shouldn't be allowed to be here. I'm sorry you went through that crap. No one should. Just..OMG... I will say this that you do not own any guilt here. You've paid any penalty in advance.

I'm thankful he's not causing anyone else any pain.

Sociopaths generally are charming, and successful, and very toxic.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Sociopaths generally are charming, and successful, and very toxic.

So true, so very true. But the air is a little cleaner for the knowing that he's not here anymore. He was a bad person, and he hurt a lot of people during his time here on earth.

[mimimanderly.livejournal.com]

Um.... congratulations on your loss? LOL! I never could understand that whole "don't speak ill of the dead" thing. Whyever not, if it is exactly what you would say were he alive? I can only chalk it up to superstition: people are secretly afraid that the dead will come after them. Which is silly, because he will obviously be much too busy trying to avoid being butt-fucked by Beelzebub to bother with whatever you are saying about him.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Mimi darling, I really could kiss you right now. You know exactly what to say to put things into perspective. Your remark about him being sodomised by Beelzebub had me laughing like a knucklehead.

[phoenix-fancies.livejournal.com]

I doubt you'll find much condemnation around these parts.

I never went through anything as bad as what you've described, but I won't be shedding a tear when a certain aunt of mine kicks it. I'll feel badly for the people I care about who care about her, but I will dance a fucking jig when that *unt meets her maker.

You know, it's likely that you'll have a few more thoughts on this. Don't hesitate to seek solace here.

[akatnamedeaster.livejournal.com]

I don't think any less of you, you sound pretty human to me. He wasn't a good person and he hurt a lot of people, it's quite all right to not be sorry he's gone.

I'm just sorry he was so toxic to you while he was alive.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

You are the second person to use the word 'toxic', and I think it is the perfect word for what he was. Strange that I have to keep reminding myself that he's no longer here; he seemed a malignant presence that would always be lurking in the background. He is no more, and the air I breathe is cleaner today for it.

[kellychambliss.livejournal.com]

There is a part of me that is afraid you will think less of me to speak so ill of the dead

Not at all, my dear. Death does not confer sainthood. There are some people (too many, sadly) that the world is simply better off without. This man was clearly one of them.

[ex-logospil.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry that you were subjected to such abuse, most beloved :-(

*very tender robed embrace*

[blueartemis07.livejournal.com]

My father wasn't anywhere near as abusive as what you went through, and yet my sister and mother and I all felt like a weight was lifted off our shoulders when he passed, oh, 20 years ago.

My grandfather was such a prize that when my almost 80 year old grandmother who was god-fearing and rarely said a bad word against anyone was asked if she would consider marrying again, she responded, "I would rather stick my head in a toilet and eat shit."

~many many hugs~

Your feelings are your own, and the dead have to answer for what they did, just not to us.

[irishredlass.livejournal.com]

Think less of you? How could I think less of you? My dirty little secret is about every 3 months I google Mr Toxic in hopes I will find his obituary. Does that make me a bad person? Do you think less of me?

{{hugs}}

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

And when you do find it, we will raise a toast to the end of another Mr. Toxic. I think you are a wonderful person, and I could never think of you as anything but.

[lemonade8.livejournal.com]

The relief you must feel, but the fallout of the damage and being reminded of it must be equally hard to deal with.

And you could pass out party favors at his funeral and I wouldn't think ill of you. Sneak in, take a sharpie pen and draw all over his face before the viewing (you know, college style complete with penis drawing next to his mouth) might be a thought. You could send a flower arrangement with 'congratulations' to his current victim. I mean, wife/girlfriend. You could invite his other exes and you all could square-dance on his grave.

Sorry... too soon?

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

Honey, with all the ex's he had, we could form a dance troupe! Even as far back as 2003, he was working on wife number six. His talent lay in choosing his victims well, and telling them exactly what they wanted to hear, and being such an accomplished liar that he often grew to believe his own bullshit and accept it as truth. It's never too soon to rejoice his demise in my opinion.

[stgulik.livejournal.com]

Can't add any more than these agreed ladies said, but there's no reason not to lay it on the line and say what you mean about him, even though he is dead. From what you told us, the world is well shut of him. You're alive and enjoying your life, which is the opposite of what he was wished for you , and isn't that a fantastic thing?

[delphipsmith]

Go Mom :)

[gelsey.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a healthy reaction to me and I don't blame you for feeling like that at all *big hugs*

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Wow.

I can feel your anger. And as someone who refused to speak at her grandmother's memorial service because I didn't think I could do it without being bitter and twisted, I know what you mean.

Hopefully, the fact that he's gone for good now means you (and a bunch of others) can sleep just that little bit easier at night.

[lynnylou.livejournal.com]

I don't think any less of you for having valid feeling because of the way he treated you and others. It sounds like he was a waste of space. Well now since he is gone he can't hurt anyone else.

[kittylefish.livejournal.com]

it sounds like this world is well rid of him, and all i can feel is sorrow for you and the other people whose lives he made miserable for any bit of time. you do whatever feels right to take care of yourself with regard to this news, and if that means doing a jig on his grave, i'll be with you in spirit. *hugs*

[dickgloucester.livejournal.com]

I don't see why one shouldn't speak ill of the dead if they were awful.

I'm glad for your sake that he's gone.

[melusin-79.livejournal.com]

so glad you moved on from this twisted pervert, teddy.
Please take good care of yourself and get well soon.

[sbrande.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think less of you for feeling that way.

Love Sonia :)

[bloodcult.livejournal.com]

I often wonder where that prohibition came from against speaking ill of the dead. It seems so arbitrary. Bad people are not made good by death.

[dozmuffinxc.livejournal.com]

All I can say is: your feelings are completely normal. So many hugs for you! I'm so happy to know that you're well out of that awful situation and thriving. Don't let someone who did you no good in life make you sad in his death *huuuuugs*

[juniperus.livejournal.com]

I grok. I had the same complete relief and lack of mourning when the ground opened up and finally swallowed the Basilisk. You aren't a bad person - you're a sane one. No one sane mourns the passing of evil.

[benevolntgoddes.livejournal.com]

Well good. Don't you feel the slightest bit bad for dancing on the grave! Lord knows that I wouldn't if I found out that my ex was dead. It's not malicious to feel joy. He's no longer breathing your air!

Dance away, sister. Dance!

[celestialbeing1.livejournal.com]

I always say that the most foul, loathsome people are practically canonised in obits. I dont give a damn, if you were horrid in life you were still horrid and I have no need to sugarcoat anything. He's no longer here--GOOD. The bastard. The world doesnt need people like that.

Hugs for you, my Teddy. So sorry you had to deal with that.

[condwiramurs.livejournal.com]

There's no shame at all in being glad to be completely rid forever of a bastard like that. I'm sorry you went through all of that pain, but I'm glad you are alive to celebrate and he is not. He won't hurt anyone ever again. (((HUGS)))

[stronghermione1.livejournal.com]

I don't believe you should feel anything but joy and relief at hearing of this man's (and I use the term loosely) death. There is a special place in hell reserved for men of this nature. I know of one that is currently holding a card for it, and my entire family will rejoice on that day for what he put us through. My father has a saying for when things like this happen, "Death couldn't happen to a nicer prick!"
Love & hugs x

[darklotus1211.livejournal.com]

There is one person that I've crossed paths with in my life that, if he were to die before me, I'd be relieved to know that he would no longer be able to add to his list of victims and to the wake of devastation and ruined lives that trail behind him. He, too is a charming, sociopathic predator with a taste for children but he also hunts further afield.

So, no, dear teddy - I think no less of you at all.

[sandlappershell.livejournal.com]

Teddy, we all know your heart. There is no way we could think less of you for being relieved that an evil that touched you has now been banished to where it belongs. That you were concerned about how people would look at you just proves my point. Love and hugs and enjoy that fresh air!!