If You Don't Like It, You Stop Reading

From my review basket on Lay Me Low today. This is review #477:

Derelict Author: I can't even believe the reception this story has gotten. Most of the characters seem so OOC as to be ridiculous (Snape using "lass" every other word, really?), the story arches are trite (Hermione asking Snape to marry her? Hermione getting almost raped but feeling super horny within a chapter!), the overuse of deux ex machina type spells/curses (the blood spell? Snape's "Dark Caress" curse?), and the "lyrics" at the beginning of each chapter? I read through this entire story to try and give it a chance based on all of the reviews I read, but it's just too OOC for me to even get behind it.

My Response: Sorry you don't like it. I'll admit it's not my best work, but then again, I haven't read yours, so I don't know what type of fiction you write. The wonderful thing about fanfiction is that not everyone has to enjoy every story. I think the fact that I've had a lot of good reviews on it is that is does have a lot of things that people like to read. There are a lot of stories out there I don't like. I stop reading them. I suggest you do the same with this one - it is obviously distressing you to the point of rudeness.

Well, one out of 477 ain't bad. So the author of Debauched, Dissipated, and Dissolute hates this story. I think I'll give it a read. I had hoped to be able to read her body of work to see what she feels is a proper story, but I'm afraid this is it, Ashwinder wise, so.... a prolific writer, then.

Yeah, I'm a little pissed off. If I don't like a story, I stop reading it. I don't trash it, I don't belittle it, I don't demoralise and discourage the author -  I just stop reading it.

Actually, it couldn't come at a worse time. I'm getting a little exhausted with the story, and my poor beta is nagging me to finish chapter 20. I think this means that DM and I really need to put in some quality time on it.

Ah, See, Now You're Getting Personal

Reply from Derelict Author via email:

Ooh, wow, if you think "rudeness" is critiquing your work and giving you exact examples of things that represent tired plot-writing techniques and complete out of characterless, then you better stick to reading the "good" reviews. Reviews are not always going to be consistent praise, hence why they exist. "My style" of writing does not necessarily affect what I read, either, as I have plenty of guilty pleasures, have read plenty of stories with tired techniques and still enjoyed them, etc. I actually commented on this story because you seemed to have a plethora of things that detracted from it, and I felt like saying my peace because, well, that is what arguably criticism is for--to comment on art and the affect is has on the reader.  Apparently being told exactly why your story or writing is weak is "rudeness" to you.

My reply, with gleeful thanks to pennswoods for giving me the chance to respond:

Oddly Self-Important Reviewer: I can't even believe the amount of bandwidth your response is consuming. Most of the opinions expressed seem so utterly non-constructive as to be ridiculous, the examples used to support your position are trite, and the overuse of hyperbole and fandom cliches instead of actual concrit is self-defeating. I read through this entire review to try and give it a chance but it's just too underspecific and cliched for me to even bother trying to glean a modicum of useful critique that would help me to become a better writer.

This is the last oxygen of acknowledgment I plan on giving you. Yes, I do listen to constructive, well-mannered criticism, and believe me I have had my fair share. And yes, you are rude, and no, I don't think flames are constructive, and in time, they do get reported to mods.

Please enjoy your guilty pleasures and stop harassing me. You said your piece. I said mine. End of story.

Regards, Teddy Radiator

You know, sometimes you just DON'T need this sh1te.