Ten Day Meme: Day 4

[teddy_radiator]

Day 1 - Ten random facts about yourself
Day 2 - Nine things you do everyday
Day 3 - Eight things that annoy you
Day 4 - Seven fears/phobias
Day 5 - Six songs that you’re addicted to
Day 6 - Five things you can’t live without
Day 7 - Four memories you won’t forget
Day 8 - Three words you can’t go a day without
Day 9 - Two things you wish you could do
Day 10 - One person you can trust

Fear has coloured a great part of my life. I have let fear paralyse me, I have let it lie to me, I have allowed it to dominate me. I still have my moments. I also realise that most of my fears are incredibly selfish and inward-looking. Many of my fears have to do with dying, more than death. I think this is important, and possibly even a means to help me face them and give them the old two fingered salute.

1. Spiders. Christ, I hate those fuckers. The only good spider is a dead spider.

2. Growing old and dying alone. There is precious little dignity in death, but I would like to have a hand to hold when I cross over. I am terrified of the thought of living out the last of my days in solitary confinement, friendless, rudderless.

3. Dying from a long, drawn-out, painful illness. I'm a complete pussy about pain. I'd just like one night to fall asleep and not wake up. That's the best death I could ever hope for.

4. Being homeless.

5. Not being good enough to see my dreams realised.. This really should be number 1. Everything else seems to derive from it.

6. Not being worthy of the beautiful friends I have. Because sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm really not all that.

7. Heights and flying. I tend to think of them in the same way.