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[personal profile] teddy_radiator
Happy Birthday, Professor.


Title: Signs of LIfe
Rating: PG
Category: Drama
Pairing: SSHG (implied)
Length 7 X 100
Summary: Signals and signs cannot be ignored...
I make no money on these pieces. This is unbeta'd, so please don't blame Jules.
~~~~~

Shhh....

He sees darkness.

He sees black corners and grey staircases; mists that drag at his cloak like a begging child, and he thinks to himself, is this death? Is this the hell to which I’ve resigned myself?

Tastes in his mouth like slick ash, and he wants to retch and he feels the tearing, searing pain of fighting. Fighting for a life he had all but given up on, but now seems as important as it was always meant to be in the first place.

He has to save it; it’s the only one he has, and it’s precious.

~~~~~

At first, he hears strange, distorted sounds, like voices in a well, and he wishes they would just be quiet! for one moment so he can think straight, but thinking straight has ceased to be a valuable commodity. The sounds are like music being played underwater, and they are in turn welcoming and frightening, and he can’t tell the difference or why he should care.

All that matters is that, while he can still hear them, it means that he is still alive.

Don’t let me die, please.

“You won’t,” says a voice. And he weeps, afraid to believe it.

~~~~~

When he was ten, Lily made him a daisy chain, and he wore it around his neck until it fell apart. He hid it from Ma and Da; her because she would make him take it off, and him because he would tear it off. He hides his fear from The Voice, in case it tells him that he needs to accept he’s dying.

He wore the daisies until they shed all over his pillow. He still hid them.

I’m afraid.

“Shh. It’s okay. You’re not alone.”

He is afraid when the chain disintegrates, his fading body will join it.

~~~~~

On that last day, he buttoned up his coat slowly, chanting under his breath every defensive spell he’d ever known. The buttonholes were narrow, clogged with protection; his clothing was stiff with it. Blood ran off his shirt like water off a duck’s back; it was still white when they found him.

Am I alive?

“And you will be for a very long time. Open your eyes.”

The soft touch of a hand on his face makes him shudder. A voice, a scent of pears, a cool sip of water, a shadowy face full of care floats in his vision.

~~~~~

His days are quiet; he has learned to stare at one singular curl for hours and has found the answers to the cosmos within its cuticles. There is a price for tranquility, but he paid it long ago. Now, he is content to breathe and see and feel peace.

His companion is as quiet as she once was vociferous; she says it’s unseemly to talk when he’s determined to remain silent. Sometimes she writes messages on his palm, using the tip of her finger. He shivers at the contact. If you’ll start talking again, she says, I’ll stop tickling you.

~~~~~

Days go by; he speaks like a rusted hinge, but it is sound vibrated through vocal chords. To her it is music of the angels. She stops writing her love letters on his palm, and writes them instead on his heart.

She has aged; he stayed surprisingly young.

“Do you love me?” she asks. He writes yes on her palm with his finger.

"Why don’t you say it out loud?”

“I’m afraid someone will find my daisy chain.”

She writes OK on his palm. “If I stopped tickling you, would you stop loving me?”

No, he writes. “Never,” he says.

~~~~~

Shh, he whispers to his child. Mummy’s napping.

Writes You have a new brother on her palm.

Shh, he whispers to his daughter. He wasn’t good enough for you.

Writes don't cry on her palm.

Shh, he whispers to his son. Don’t let your mother find out.

Writes Prat on his palm.

Shh, he whispers to his wife. We had to let her go someday.

Writes She’s a beautiful bride on her palm.

Shh, he whispers to his love. Just a little separation.

Writes I love you on her palm.

Writes it over and over, until his finger stops moving.

Date: 2013-01-09 05:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] drinkingcocoa.livejournal.com
The buttonholes, clogged with magic. *swoon* That is INCREDIBLE. That is so original. WOW.

And then, the scent of pears -- that was my second swoon. Such a gorgeous, subtle, minor-key and gentle scent. Wow, wow, wow.

Date: 2013-01-09 05:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jenidralph.livejournal.com
I had so many things I wanted to say to you as I read this, but now I'm crying and can't form a coherent thought.

Beautiful....

Date: 2013-01-09 11:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mimimanderly.livejournal.com
WAAAAAAHHHH!!! Nothing like a good cry first thing in the morning! Oh, Teddy, this was beautiful! The part about keeping the daisy chain even after it fell apart teared me up... but by the last sentence I was sobbing! Gptta go get a kleenex....

Date: 2013-01-09 01:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!

Date: 2013-01-09 01:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
Thank you, babe. That's plenty for me!

Date: 2013-01-09 01:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
Thank you, sweetie. As you can probably tell, this was Muse driven and he was insistent - I had to take dictation, and it wrote itself like magic. I usually have to really work to fit the 100-word section remit, but this time I almost didn't have to even try.

I'm glad it moved you. I wanted it to be quiet, like the dead of winter, with hushed voices and hope hiding in the links of a daisy chain.

Date: 2013-01-09 02:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-logospil.livejournal.com
Oh, my goodness... That was more than exquisite... That was so lyrical and moving... Perfection ♥

Date: 2013-01-09 05:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crownglass39.livejournal.com
So beautiful! I'd write more buy I'm crying in my tea.

Date: 2013-01-09 05:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stgulik.livejournal.com
How lovely.

Sometimes she writes messages on his palm, using the tip of her finger. He shivers at the contact. If you’ll start talking again, she says, I’ll stop tickling you.

Deep sigh. It's a transcendent feeling, sitting inside this story.

Date: 2013-01-09 05:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] reg-flint.livejournal.com
Very striking and quite original. I don't use such words without cause.

Date: 2013-01-09 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
Thank you so much. Your opinion is very dear, and I am glad it pleased and touched you.

Date: 2013-01-09 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
Oh, dear - well, they say salt is good for tea! Thank you.

Date: 2013-01-09 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
What a lovely thing to say, babe. Your words of praise are always so dear to me. That makes me feel so good.

Date: 2013-01-09 09:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
And they are treasured all the more because of it.

Date: 2013-01-10 05:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] susanmarier.livejournal.com
This is so beautiful. And so original. I absolutely love the last bit the most. This one draws you into your world so perfectly. :) thank you very much.

Date: 2013-01-10 09:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] helgeke.livejournal.com
Wailing quietly. So beautiful.

Date: 2013-01-10 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyrefly-fayth.livejournal.com
while HP is not my usual fandom I found you on FF.net and because of you migrated to ashwinder (to which I owe many, many thanks)

I don't know how you do it, but pretty much every story I have read of yours you have me reduced to tears (which, normally, is insanely hard to do, and rather embarrassing) and this is absolutely no exception.
I cant get the image of daisy petals and flower bits on a pillow out of my head either or the scent of pears.

Thank You for sharing this wonderful piece. :D

Date: 2013-01-11 03:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
First of all, thank you for your kind words about following me to Ashwinder. I really appreciate your willingness to look me up. That is an amazing compliment.

Thank you for your beautiful comment here - I am thrilled that something you read here touches you. That is a powerful thing. I have to give credit to my Muse for the image of the daisy chain and the scent of pears. For some reason, that was something he gave me; it's not something I would normally think of, but he is gracious in his generosity! ;)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Date: 2013-01-11 03:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
Thank you so much!

Date: 2013-01-11 03:50 am (UTC)

Date: 2013-01-15 08:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oh-so-blah.livejournal.com
I really really like this, but I don't understand the last paragraph. The woman is LIly right?they have kids? Are they in heaven? If his daughters kids arent god enough for her then why does she marry him? And is Lily pregnant?

Date: 2013-01-15 11:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] teddyradiator.livejournal.com
Actually, this is Severus/Hermione. He is talking to his daughter - that the man who broke her heart isn't good enough for her. This is him speaking to his family.

I'm an SSHG girl ;)

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