teddy_radiator | Waving From The Bottom Of The Rabbit Hole

For a person who isn't doing too badly, you'd never know it from my behaviour.

Hello everyone. I hope you having forgotten who I am. I wouldn't blame you if you have, though, seeing as it's been ages since I've raised my head from the parapet and tried to at least wave the white flag.

I am at the point where I don't even have the energy to go into all the gory details of what's been going on. The Reader's Digest Condensed Version is that I've been swamped with work (not a bad thing), overrun with social events (again, not a bad thing), and getting ready for the most physically and mentally challenging holidays of the year (again, not a bad thing). The bad thing is that I ran out of time. Too much happening at once, combined with a hectic and capricious work schedule, paired with travel and party plans turned me into a hot mess.

By the weekend before Thanksgiving, I was done. I had truly run myself into the ground. Physically, I was wrecked - PVCs, swollen ankles, hurting all over, headaches, sore limbs, you name it. Mentally I was no better. I had set huge goals for myself and I was killing myself trying to meet said goals.

Then, last Tuesday, TheHubs™ and I set off to meet up with

hechicera and her family for Thanksgiving. It was a little stressful spending my first Thanksgiving away from my mother since returning from England, but she was very supportive. Turns out this trip was exactly what I needed in every sense of the word.

For those of you who don't know

hechicera, she is one of the heroes of the SSHG fandom. She is funny, kind, fascinating, generous, and so incredibly talented. Spending three days with her and her family, who are all so kind and laid back and mellow, was exactly what the doctor ordered. She is also the coolest person on the planet. I feel like I have a new lease on life.

What's more, we returned inspired in so many ways. We've spent more time outdoors enjoying fresh air (and our firepit), we've committed to other life-approving measures, and it feels like I've just returned from the best spa/retreat/motivational clinic in the world. I can't tell you what a joy it was to spend the holidays with this amazing lady and her family. It was life-changing in a very real, very positive, enjoyable sense.

I am taking a good long look at how I spend my leisure and working time, and changes will be made. I am also very motivated to do some serious writing next year, agent or no agent. I need to recapture my fire. I need to stop stressing myself into an early grave. I need to stop thinking I need to do it all and now and perfectly. I need to be able to step back, say no, say yes, be realistic about my shortcomings and accept my strengths. And I need to live more in the moment and less in the future. I need to do what I love to do, perform what I need to do, and screw the rest.

Next year should be interesting, to say the least. It will be more sitting around the firepit, staring into the flames, less self-flagellation for the things I don't get accomplished, and most likely less time online and more time getting things done.

Having said that, photos of Christmas will be forthcoming, as will photos of the finished SteamLib, and other things. In due time.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Good to see you again here on LJ. You've been sorely missed, to say the least. I'm also thrilled to hear that you had a good time with

hechicera Did you tell her she's missed on LJ as well?

Yes, life is too short to spend so much time online and not enough time doing the things you enjoy. Just remember to come up for air once in a while and share with us all those productive things you will be accomplishing.

*hugs*

Thanks, sweetie. I did have a chat with her about how much she was missed on LJ and how I hoped she would come back. She's an awesome person.

Hey there, lovely to see you down here LJ way. :)

I'm glad you got a chance to recharge your batteries and get some perspective on things. Online is fun, I know, I spend a lot of time here. But, it can't be too much. Like everything, moderation. I've been working on that too.

Anyway, as I said, good to see you again! *hugs*

Thank you so much - I have missed my friends here so much, and added that guilt. I should have been a Catholic, the way I perform these little guilt trips on myself. Hech finally said, "If you apologise for one more thing I'm gonna kick your ass!" I really needed this trip to get some perspective. But I am very grateful to have been missed while I was away stressing myself into a puddle. I would think to myself, "If I go onto LJ and talk about it, I know my friends will give me a boost. I was just too exhausted to do it.

Hugs. So glad the holiday refreshed you.

Thanks, sweetie! I hope the holidays were kind to you as well.

Hey, shit happens and you can't be super #1 poster all the time. Lulls and peaks. Can't be go-go-go all the time. And you don't have to be superwoman. Pace yourself dear. People will understand. Don't worry about living up to their expectations, live up to yours while setting reasonable goals.

We love you, even if you have to set the computer down and step away for a bit. It's all right, you're only human, just like the rest of us.

{{{HUGS}}}

It is nice to see you! I'm glad you found some time to recharge.

So glad to hear you had a much needed Thanksgiving experience. It's amazing what some support and a change in perspective can do sometimes. It sounds like you have the right priorities and attitude for the New Year :)

Looking forward to seeing photos of the finished SteamLib!

Sounds like the Thanksgiving getaway was just what you needed. Sometimes RL just gets overwhelming with all the expectations other have of us and we have for ourselves. It's good to take a step back sometimes to get a fresh perspective.

Looking forward to pics.

Oh BRAVA, darling! Having read you FB post before leaving, and seeing this one now, I can definitely see the improvement in your spirits. Good job of taking care of yourself. You are full of amazing-ness. ♥♥♥

(take heed of icon!)

We couldn't forget who you are if we tried. ;-P

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling recharged and renewed.

She lives! I thought it was work keeping you away, but I was starting to get a little worried. Glad that you had so many positive things occurring, but, yes, when they occur all at once, that can be stressful. Your reassessing your life and how you spend it sounds like a wonderful idea -- not just for you, but for all of us. I know I spend a great deal too much time worrying about potential future events. I have to remind myself that the future doesn't really exist -- it is all hypothetical. All that we have is the present moment, and when it becomes a past moment, it too no longer exists. We need to do the thing that makes us feel joy NOW. Thanks for the reminder. And for giving me an idea for a January SED if December's turns out well....

I was wondering where you were - I've missed seeing you post!
It sounds like you and TheHubs has an amazing Thanksgiving. I can't wait to hear about it on podcast!

Hey there! Sometimes I just have to do different things for balance. Read fanfic. Don't read fanfic. Watch Doc Martin. Work like crazy. Read books that interest me and have nothing to do with anything I might be dealing with at the time. And sometimes I have to clean my house (which I hate with a passion) because I just have to. And I visit with my children and eat their food... and play with children and the dogs. I try to stay off the mountain tops and out of the valleys.

I'm so happy that you and TheHubs had such a refreshing visit with good friends because sometimes that is exactly what we need.

(((hugs)))

Recharging is a good thing, especially around the holidays!

*waves back*. So glad you feel recharged. It is so important, and something that I think we all lose sight of time and again. I look forward to seeing your pics.

Waving From The Bottom Of The Rabbit Hole

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