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Teddy Radiator ([personal profile] teddy_radiator) wrote2011-07-24 03:11 pm

Just In The Mood To Ramble...

Another week of job hunting and writing, really. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing profound, nothing interesting. I am not exactly restless, but definitely suffering a bit of ennui.

The recording is coming along, slowly. I haven't used Adobe Audition in over a year, and it shows. It takes me forever to remember how to do the simplest of tasks in it.

I've turned in two exchange fics, and I really want to start reading - I'm soooo looking forward to seeing everyone's fics. I'm sorry the exchange mods have had a rough time of it, what with drop-outs and extension requests, especially since this is my first year, but what fun I had writing. God, I love to write. If I don't write something every day, I feel wrong. It must be how artists like [livejournal.com profile] sempraseverus , [livejournal.com profile] mimimanderly and [livejournal.com profile] howlingmojo feel when they don't draw every day. I envy you ladies (and so many other of you who are phenomenal artists), but I understand the need and addictive pleasure of simply creating something from within.

I think that's the sad thing about the whole Amy Winehouse thing. Such a creative talent, but opiates destroy creativity, IMHO, or rather, the addiction to them. I think she just got worn down, and it was pitiful to see her struggling so much. Well, I think she may be somewhere now where she can enjoy herself. Poor little lost one.

We all have our weaknesses; sometimes I think that's all I'm made of. I'm staring down the loaded end of my 49th birthday this week, and I feel slightly sick that I'm not quite where I wanted to be. Yet. But at the end of that tunnel, I can see light, and that comforts me. I don't know when I'll reach it, but I know it's there. IN the meantime, there is such joy in writing, in reading beautifully crafted fics (The next chapter of [livejournal.com profile] subvers 's Owned is up and instantly comes to mind), looking at beautiful drawings, like Sempra AccioHope, and Mimi's Tarot, which pleases me more than I can say. I am surrounded by creativity here, and it just fuels me like high-octane love.

Sorry to get so mawkish, but there you have it. You all are my addiction. Someone, I think it was [livejournal.com profile] dhark_charlotte , had a userpic that said: "LiveJournal: The real reason your house is a f*(%ing disaster". Yes, my friends, that would be me.

I know that when I get a job (cross fingers, light candles, sacrifice blonds) I won't have this much freedom, so now I'm enjoying it to the hilt.

[identity profile] reg-flint.livejournal.com 2011-07-24 08:18 pm (UTC)(link)
I have to write every day, and I post something every day (sometimes just to IJ or DW or A03) and if I don't it feels like some part of my mind is deeply cut, and the only salve for the wound is writing. Best of luck with Muse. My Muse is sighing at the moment. I'm 41 and could care less that I'm not 22. There are physical limitations but mentally you get freer the older you get. 49 is a kid compared to some (most!) others I know and like.
Edited 2011-07-24 20:20 (UTC)