Ye gods, what a nightmare! I was giggling at the start of your tale, and when I got to More tree slices dotted the landscape as either stepping stones or tripping hazards, depending on your point of view, and they had buzzwords burned into them, like "Committment" and "Patience", which I now found incredibly ironic, seeing as what was to come. I simply howled.
It was at this point TheHubs™ turns to me with exquisite British politeness and says, "Would you like to stay or perhaps-" "I want to go home and eat pizza and drink a fuckton of wine," I said. -- I am familiar with this emotion. And I believe "a fuckton" is actually a legitimate unit of measurement. Or if it isn't, it should be.
Totally agree with you that if you're going non-traditional, it should be because your chosen ambiance means something to you, not because you saw it on Martha Stewart or The Pioneer Woman and thought it looked cute. Why anyone who has never been on a horse would want to ride a horse down the aisle baffles me. What sort of marriage can they possibly hope for when it starts with so much fakery???
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It was at this point TheHubs™ turns to me with exquisite British politeness and says, "Would you like to stay or perhaps-"
"I want to go home and eat pizza and drink a fuckton of wine," I said. -- I am familiar with this emotion. And I believe "a fuckton" is actually a legitimate unit of measurement. Or if it isn't, it should be.
Totally agree with you that if you're going non-traditional, it should be because your chosen ambiance means something to you, not because you saw it on Martha Stewart or The Pioneer Woman and thought it looked cute. Why anyone who has never been on a horse would want to ride a horse down the aisle baffles me. What sort of marriage can they possibly hope for when it starts with so much fakery???